Secretly Lonely
by aubrja
Summary: Jackie is the new second year student at Ouran. Automatically assuming she was a guy, based on her appearance, and seeing the way the women reacted to her, Tamaki had her join the Host Club. However behind the scenes, her walls are breaking. She had held strong and acted happy for so long, but how long can she last? What will they all do once they realize how lonely she truly is?
1. Note

This is a rewrite of The American Host. And ok… I know I already posted it and gave it to a different author, but I suddenly got new ideas for it and decided to rewrite it. Since musepro and I are two different authors with different ideas the stories will obviously be very different and possibly go in opposite directions completely. So I believe that it wouldn't be a big deal. However, musepro, if you have a problem with this, please message me so we can work something out. Thank you for understanding.


	2. The Move

'Come on Jackie, you will learn this dance!' Jackie thought in concentration, dancing in the beat of the music. She danced in her empty room, her suitcase and shoulder-bag leaning against the wall. Her Kindle Fire, which was the source of her music, was running her YouTube app and was playing a video of two people dancing. She had practiced it many times in slow-motion and was singing along to the, now memorized, song. "Kotoba no mahout kakete, otonano jijou nuki de, amai namida nagaseba, subete ga oto ni naru-" "Jackie Chan Fried! For the last time, get down here! Our plane will be leaving shortly." She squeaked in surprise, hearing her full name unexpectedly, and fell backwards, landing on her butt. "Oww…" She muttered as she closed down the video and grabbed her suitcase and bag. "Kommen!" She yelled in her father's native tongue as she hurriedly carried her suitcase down the stairs and outside. She stopped once she had reached the driveway, taking in the scene before her. 'Spiffy' would be her words to describe her father. (MyStyle%2B%252868%2529) His bright, blonde hair had been nicely combed and, behind his silver wire-rimmed glasses, his icy blue eyes showed obvious annoyance. His stubble was also very obvious, as well as his scar on his left cheek, a reminder of his war days. He wore his every-day grey suit and tie and held his unlit cigarette in his mouth as he talked through his headset. Probably a phone call considering he held his phone in his left hand. Her mother stood off to the side. (MyStyle%2B%252869%2529) She had her dirty-blonde hair pinned up and her ocean blue eyes showed a mix of relief and sadness. She wore a nice purple button-up shirt with a blue undershirt as well as a simple brown coating of lipstick. She had her hands on Jackie's brother's shoulders. ( MyStyle%2B%252870%2529 ) He seemed to be a perfect mix of their parents. His hair was a golden color, his eyes were a light blue, and his face was covered in freckles from the hours spent playing outdoors with Jackie. He had just gotten home from school and was still in his uniform, a white polo shirt, a pale yellow sweater, and khaki pants. Having only gotten there, he was confused as to what was going on and just stuck with their mother, their black cat Sam just sitting happily on his head. Their driver just stood by the limo waiting for instruction. Jackie sighed as she looked back at the house where she spent her childhood. She knew she wouldn't be back for a very long time, and her family wouldn't be with her where she was going. After a few moments, she heard her father call her name once again and she began to make her way towards her mother. "Bye maman, tu vas me manquer."(1) She whispered in her mother's native tongue as she hugged her goodbye. "Tu vas me manquer aussi, Jackie. Prenez soin de vous et n'oubliez pas d'écrire, ok?"(2) She replied, wiping a few tears away from her eyes, as well as her daughter's. Then Jackie bent down to her brother's height and hugged his as well. "I'm going now Noah." She said as she pet their cat and ruffled whatever hair she could reach on his head. "Wha-what do you mean you're going?" He asked as he suddenly realized, his sister was finally moving. "You said you were leaving Tuesday. You said you were going to help me with my shooting today." It was true, she was going to help her brother with his shooting skills in basketball, and she was supposed to leave Tuesday, but their father had apparently changed his mind. "I know Noah, but something came up in dad's job and we had to leave earlier." Jackie said, coming up with an excuse for the one thing she didn't know. She didn't know why they were leaving early, they just were. "Hey, I'll see you when my spring break comes around! I promise we'll practice then, ok?" She tried to cheer him up with this promise as she held up her hand. Noah smiled slightly as he brought up his own hand. "Ok, remember your promise." He said as they did their special handshake and hugged once more. "Jackie, what on Earth are you wearing child?!" She turned to face her father, not at all confused by his outburst. ( MyStyle%2B%252871%2529 ) Her long brown hair was extremely messy and full of tangles having not been brushed, and she was not wearing her contacts or the dress her father had picked out. Instead, she was wearing a pair of cheap jeans and a skin-tight, black hoodie with red converse, and completely forget her extra glasses because she had broken them the day before playing ice hockey with her cousins. "You know what? It doesn't matter." He said, motioning to the driver that it was time to go. "Just get in the car." As the driver opened the door, her father sat down and shortly after her suitcase had been put in the trunk. After hugging her mom and brother one more time, she also sat in her place by the window and watched as their old home began to disappear. As soon as it did, she plugged in her earbuds and started listening to music, her only escape from her current problem, her parent's divorce. She looked out the window as she heard the song Hope of Morning begin to play.

[ watch?v=5e_cbtp4Yo0 ]

She had always thought of this of her theme song, believe it or not. Unlike what her mother had said, she had never found her special group of friends. Being shy and quiet, as well as one of the smartest kids on class, she had always been thought to be a stuck-up brat and no one really gave her the time of day. She could always feel the judgmental stares of the people around her and never felt welcome. Sure she felt fine with her family, but at school she always felt she was unwanted. And having to move to Japan and enroll in a new school really did not help. She silently mouthed the words of the song as she thought of this.

I'm scared that you'll compare and I'll look a lifetime past repair  
I second guess myself to death, I re-solicit every step  
What if my words are meaningless? What if my heart's misleading this?  
I try to capture every moment as it comes to me  
Bottle up the memories and let them keep me company

When the hope of morning starts to fade in me  
I don't dare let darkness have its way with me  
And the hope of morning makes me worth the fight  
I will not be giving in tonight

* * *

Translations:

1 - Bye mom, I'll miss you.

2 - I'll miss you too, Jackie. Take care of yourself and do not forget to write, okay?


End file.
